Career Monsters

By Jennifer Bowden, Training & Workshop Coordinator

With Halloween right around the corner, we’re constantly seeing displays and decorations with bats and witches and spiders and other assorted creepies. You might even see some scary creatures around your workplace:

 

The Vampire
vampire
“I vill suck all the happiness from your job….”

This person sucks the life out of every conversation. Have a great idea? The Energy Vampire will let you know all the reasons it won’t work. Happy about a recent success? The E.V. will point out the parts that didn’t go perfectly.

The Zombie

The Zombie is just putting in the hours. Instantly recognizable by his/her coffee cup death-grip and delayed reaction times, as well as an unmistakable lack of interest in providing input, meeting deadlines, or mustering enthusiasm for anything except Friday afternoons. Sometimes mistaken for Career Monster #3:

The Ghost

Does this person still work here? They’re not at meetings, don’t return phone calls, can’t be found at their desk, and might as well not have an e-mail address. Nobody is really sure what the Ghost does all day.

The Werewolf

You’re never sure which personality will appear: the mild-mannered, seemingly normal human being, or the vicious rampaging animal. The Werewolf may not even blink at a major problem one day, then totally flips out over a minor detail the next. Co-workers live in fear of being on the wrong side of this person.

 The Ogre

You might find yourself wondering how this person ever got hired, because you’ve never seen a smile on their face or heard them utter a pleasant word. An accepted part of the office culture, The Ogre’s grumbles, glowers, and roars are their own known methods of communication.

 The Skeleton

The Skeleton is a bare-bones kind of person, doing the absolute minimum required to get by but putting on a good face whenever the boss is around. Their role is important enough that you can’t justify getting rid of them entirely, but it’s obvious to anyone who works with a Skeleton that there’s not a lot of skin in the game.

 The Mummy

The Mummy is completely wrapped up in his/her own work, personal situation, or drama of the day, there’s no room for anything else. Need help or information from the Mummy? Be prepared to hear about every iteration of the project from the dawn of time, and all the unappreciated work the Mummy has put into it already. Need something done right away? You’re sure to find out just how inconvenient this is, given all the other things the Mummy has going on right now – which you’re about to hear in exhaustive detail….

 The Ax Murderer

“He was very quiet. He kept to himself…..” Doesn’t every neighbor of every scary real-life human say the same thing? Look out for the Ax Murderer, who appears perfectly nice to everyone but has a scary double life, picking out victims from among co-workers and chopping their reputation, work, or relationships to pieces and hiding the evidence.

 

Career Monsters aren’t limited to Halloween season. Keep an eye out for these real-life scaries (and make sure you can’t be mistaken for any of them)!

 

 

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